Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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