Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
