i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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