So drunk its hurt
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
