if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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