Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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