I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
