the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
