i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
