oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
