Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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