Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
