This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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