I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize