i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
