He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
