just come out here and I will go home with you...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My penis needs a shock collar
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
