So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
