Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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