Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
