i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
