3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
