i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
