xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
