dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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