I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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