I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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