forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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