My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
