2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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