U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
