I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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