You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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