thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
