I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
