just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
