i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
