i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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