Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
