I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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