yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
