Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
