"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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