Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
