i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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