dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
should my penis look like a turkey
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
