I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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