Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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