sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
