Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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