How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
