He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
