Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
