I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
