if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
