You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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