I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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