well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
