Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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