I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
