I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
