something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
