oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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