I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
