non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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