She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Houston, we have a squirter
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
