Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize