How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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