So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
